We are much less accurate at imagining others' perspectives than we believe. Instead of assuming or "taking" their viewpoint, we should actively "get" it by asking genuine questions. This simple shift fosters authentic connection, belonging, and better outcomes.
Many believe broadcasting achievements leads to love, but research shows it only brings admiration. True connection comes from authentic intimacy where imperfections are shared, as being truly "known" is more important than being "noticed."
While we desire to be understood, we often hide our vulnerabilities behind a mask, sometimes justifying it as "having boundaries." This prevents others from knowing our true selves, making it impossible to feel genuinely valued and loved for who we really are.
In an experiment, calling a game the "Wall Street Game" led 70% of players to act selfishly. Naming the identical game the "Community Game" caused 70% to share. This shows that situational framing powerfully overrides inherent personality traits like greed or generosity.
Small environmental factors, like sharing a birthday with a peer or receiving a simple postcard, can have massive effects on motivation and persistence. One study showed postcards sent to at-risk patients reduced suicide reattempts by half, proving our environment heavily dictates our sense of belonging.
Giving students critical feedback accompanied by the note, "I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them," increased essay revisions from 17% to 71%. Years later, this single validating message boosted four-year college enrollment by 30 points.