Psychologist Nicholas Epley's “lesser minds problem” suggests we assume strangers have less complex inner lives—less intelligence, willpower, and emotion—because we can't see their thoughts. This creates a barrier to connection, but also means we're often pleasantly surprised when we engage and discover their full humanity.
To escape conversational autopilot (e.g., “How are you?” “Fine.”), offer a specific and sincere answer. Replying “I’m about a 7 out of 10” disrupts the script, invites genuine curiosity, and can turn a mundane exchange into a real connection by prompting a non-scripted follow-up.
Research reveals a cognitive bias where we systematically underestimate how much a new acquaintance likes us. This “liking gap” means our fear of being disliked is often unfounded, making social outreach less risky than it feels. The vast majority of conversation attempts (90%) are successful, despite participants predicting only 40% success.
Engaging in small talk builds comfort with uncertainty and social rejection. This practice creates psychological resilience that transfers to high-stakes professional situations, such as asking for a networking introduction or a job meeting, by lowering the fear of hearing "no."
In societies where state systems are imperfect, people must rely on each other more for everyday needs, fostering stronger social interactions. Conversely, in hyper-efficient, well-run states, self-sufficiency reduces the functional need for stranger interaction, potentially leading to a more socially isolated populace.