To gain the freedom to lead your own way, first ask your manager to define success. Then, confirm your understanding by repeating it back. Finally, frame your request for autonomy as the best method to achieve their stated goals.
Instead of trying to convince people of the importance of vulnerability, first have them identify their core values. They will naturally conclude that living up to those values (e.g., courage, excellence) requires them to embrace the uncertainty and risk inherent in vulnerability.
Senior leaders now value candidates who ask excellent questions and are eager to solve problems over those who act like they know everything. This represents a significant shift from valuing 'knowers' to valuing 'learners' in the workplace.
The key to building deep connection isn't getting someone to say 'you're right,' but 'that's right.' The latter confirms they feel fully seen and heard, creating a neurobiological connection essential for trust, a technique applicable from hostage situations to management.
Your core values aren't just abstract principles you admire; they are revealed by the concrete things you willingly give up time, ego, or comfort for. Observing your sacrifices provides a clearer, more honest assessment of what truly drives you.
Originating from research with terminally ill children, the 'spill question' (e.g., 'Tell me about X') is a powerful, open-ended prompt. It allows people to reveal their primary concern organically, bypassing the researcher's assumptions about what is important.
The paradox of values-based work is that while it often involves difficult conversations or actions, it ultimately provides energy and fulfillment. Conversely, taking the easy way out (e.g., avoiding conflict) feels simpler in the moment but leaves you feeling hollowed out and depleted.